Forming and maintaining friendships throughout lift means embracing change, nurturing connections, and recognising their profound impact on wellbeing. This reflection invites you to explore the unexpected joys and lasting benefits of forging meaningful bonds at any age.
When I enrolled in a short online course last year, I anticipated gaining new knowledge. Instead, I found something far more meaningful – a true friend.
Not just a passing acquaintance or a name on a social media feed, but a genuine, deep connection. We became kindred spirits. She taught me how to craft a macramé plant hanger, we exchanged books and stories over glasses of wine, and when life took unexpected turns, we provided each other with space, understanding, and a compassionate ear.
I never expected to form a bond like this after turning 30. In fact, it had been years since I’d forged such a connection. I had mistakenly believed that deep friendships belonged to that golden window between childhood and young adulthood – a time before careers, mortgages, and family responsibilities, when social circles were wider, and friendships seemed to form effortlessly.
Friendships over time
Some friendships endure through decades, weathering change and growing deeper with time, while others bloom brightly before fading. What remains constant is the profound impact these relationships have on our wellbeing.
“Friendships are tiny interventions of love and empathy and oxytocin that calm our bodies, keep us healthy, and ready us for connection,” says Dr. Marisa Franco, psychologist and author of Platonic: How the Science of Attachment Can Help You Make – and Keep – Friends. Research confirms that friendships do more than lift our spirits – they’re essential for our health. They help lower stress, regulate heart rate, and even bolster immune systems. In fact, social isolation has been found to have a similar negative impact on health as smoking cigarettes.
The power of friendship
In my experience, friendship, particularly later in life, requires a willingness to be vulnerable. And vulnerability, as we age, becomes something we guard more closely.
As children, we offered our whole selves to the world without hesitation – bonding over shared toys in the sandpit, whispered secrets in high school, and the unfiltered confessions of early adulthood. But as the years pass, we become more cautious. We are busy, our routines are well-worn, and our emotional walls are fortified by experience. Society, too, feeds us the myth that by 30, our friendship circle is set, discouraging us from taking the leap.
Yet the truth is, social connection remains vital at every stage of life. Dr. Julianne Holt-Lunstad, professor of psychology and neuroscience at Brigham Young University, highlights that strong social support is a major predictor of longevity: “People who are more socially connected live longer than people who are less socially connected.”
In fact, studies in 2017 by William Chopik, scholar and assistant professor of psychology at Michigan State University, suggest that when we’re older, friends may be even more vital than family connections to our overall happiness. Chopik summarises these studies, indicating that friendships are greater predictors of our happiness, and even how long we’ll live, “more so than spousal and family relationships.”
Dr. Franco echoes this sentiment, stating: “Friendship, then, is a rediscovery of an ancient truth we’ve long buried: it takes an entire community for us to feel whole.”
Making & keeping friends
Reaching out to a potential friend in adulthood can feel daunting. I remember feeling nervous when I first connected with my new friend – wondering if I was being too forward, unsure of whether our conversations would flow naturally. Sending a Facebook friend request is easy; fostering genuine connection requires more courage.
In her book We Should Get Together, Kat Vellos explores the challenges of making friends as an adult. She discusses how the limitations of modern-day ‘small talk’ can hinder deeper connections, and how moving beyond this is essential for building more meaningful friendships. She writes: “I believe that deep conversations, in which we disclose the more sensitive emotions, thoughts, and feelings that we’d otherwise hold inside, are superior in every way to superficial conversation.”
Dr. Andrea Bonior, clinical psychologist and author of The Friendship Fix, notes that laughter is one of the strongest reinforcers of connection – especially when it stems from a meaningful memory. Shared experiences and moments of joy can cement friendships, turning fleeting interactions into lasting bonds.
But forming a connection is just the beginning. As Dr. Franco advises, “Don’t take friendship for granted. Don’t be passive, letting it fizzle because you forgot to reach out. Don’t dip out when friends need you.”
The seasons of friendship
Friendships, like nature, have their own rhythms. Some remain evergreen, steadfast through all of life’s changes. Others are like the bright hues of autumn, intense and fleeting, but no less meaningful. And some, like spring, surprise us when we least expect them, bringing renewal and fresh beginnings.
Most importantly, don’t be disappointed if your desired level of friendship doesn’t happen immediately, even when you’re boldly putting yourself out there. According to the wisdom of Aristotle, friendship is the key to a meaningful life, but it also takes time to form those truly sacred bonds: “Wishing to be friends is quick work, but friendship is a slow ripening fruit.”
So, take the leap. Start the conversation.
Off er a little more of yourself. You never know – you might just find a lifelong friend in the most unexpected of places.
Simple tips for making & keeping friends
- When walking through your neighbourhood, look people in the eye and off er a smile, perhaps even stopping for a chat – your next close friend could be just down the road.
- When you exchange numbers with a potential friend, be sure to follow up promptly with a coffee date or social outing to maintain the momentum.
- If time is scarce, integrate social connection with a new friend into your daily routine – whether it’s going grocery shopping together or tending to the garden.
- Don’t be afraid to pursue friendships with people that are wildly different from you – they can provide new perspectives that challenge your own and encourage personal growth.
WORDS: Lauren Furey
This article was originally published under the title A Friend for All Seasons in Issue 41 – Her World Awaits. You can purchase previous issues and enjoy more enchanting content here.
