Recording our thoughts, feelings, and experiences can help us reflect on our dreams, ambitions, hopes, and fears, and even develop our emotional intelligence. In The Journal Writer’s Companion, Alyss Thomas MSc explores how journalling can help us achieve our goals, express our creativity, and realise our potential.
Emotional intelligence is a profound aspect of intelligence that is not measured by IQ tests but which significantly affects our behaviour, relationships, and how we manage our emotions. The idea of emotional intelligence was popularised in Daniel Goleman’s influential book, Emotional Intelligence. It can be defined as the ability to understand and influence our own emotions and those of others. Emotional intelligence — our EQ — affects our ability to make decisions, identify opportunities, enjoy relationships and feel confident and self-assured. Perhaps the most important aspect of EQ is empathy, the ability to recognise — and respond appropriately to — what another person is feeling. There are two types of empathy: how another person’s feelings make you feel, and what you understand when witnessing another’s feelings, or the ability to analyse and draw conclusions about your observations of what someone is feeling. Empathy can be deepened by anyone using journalling methods, including people who do not have a high level of natural empathy
‘Living from the heart’ is not an airy romantic fantasy, but a real way to be balanced, centred, harmonious and happy.’
Emotional intelligence is a foundation of success
Understanding your own emotions, and your emotional reaction to others or to certain situations, is a foundation of good relationships and successful interpersonal skills. Leadership qualities include self-awareness, self-knowledge and self-understanding, and being able to make good use of interpersonal feedback — all qualities that you can deepen by reflecting upon interactions you have witnessed or participated in. Curiosity is another aspect of intelligence: being interested in your own and others’ emotional worlds, and taking time to learn about them.
Specific qualities of emotional intelligence
Faith and trust in yourself and others is one of the qualities of emotional intelligence. When you interact with someone who is open, trusting, sincere and secure in themselves, the quality of the interaction is more likely to be easy, stress-free and enjoyable. They do not enact their insecurities and fears upon you, or blame you for the way they are feeling. This faith and loyalty to yourself and to what is important to you is developed by self-awareness and understanding of your priorities, your values, what you are most interested in and what really motivates you. Holding a positive attitude is an important component of EQ, as success stems from self-belief, happiness, enjoyment, commitment, passion and purpose. Being flexible and adaptable is another important quality of EQ — understanding when something isn’t working, and being able to change course is a signature strength of emotionally intelligent people, as is the ability to recognise opportunities. Those who are emotionally intelligent are not afraid to ‘think’ with heart and intuition as well as head, and will not do something if it is logically correct yet does not feel right, or would mean harming others. ‘Living from the heart’ is not an airy romantic fantasy, but a real way to be balanced, centred, harmonious and happy. Intelligent interconnectivity means feeling connected to others as a baseline, rather than feeling separate and that only your individual needs matter.
Emotional intelligence journalling prompts
- Write down your observations of other people’s emotions, and reflect upon them. Think about how you would want to be treated if it was you who felt that way. Take time to explore emotions that do not completely make sense to you, and come to an understanding of why the person feels the way they do.
- Write detailed observations of people who appear to be emotionally intelligent and who have positive relationships, good conversations or great interpersonal skills in the workplace. Observe carefully and reflect upon what they say and do that works so well. When you have the opportunity, use some of these approaches in your own conversations, and again record and reflect upon the results.
- Explore how you habitually manage your emotions. Identify them, name them, record them, express them, explore them, and come to understand them more fully. Learn to distinguish the different nuances of emotions; for example, irritation, aggravation, annoyance, rage and fury are all completely different.
- Explore your own emotional wellbeing. Write observations of how you feel each day, and especially what works in nudging you towards consistent positivity.
This is an edited extract from The Journal Writer’s Companion by Alyss Thomas, MSc. Published by Exisle Publishing $34.99
