Madness, hard on the knees, and all around... Love might often feel inexplicably random, but there’s a science to it.
They say love makes the world go round – and they’d be right. As numerous experts have found on multiple occasions, this ubiquitous chemical reaction that we all desire not only makes us feel fundamentally ‘good’, but is also a very basic and primal human instinct. Combined with our evolutionary wiring constantly insisting that we look for a mate in order to multiply and survive, and you’re presented with something deeply elemental engineered into the human psyche. Love is what motivates and sustains us, whether romantic, parental, filial, or love for a pet. Whatever the kind – love is the glue that holds us all together and makes life worth living. I can’t help but daydream about some of the (arguably) most romantic scenes of hit rom coms when talking about love. From The Notebook’s Noah (Ryan Gosling) declaring, “It still isn’t over!” to his summer love, Allie (Rachel McAdams), as the rain pelts down on them after seven years of not speaking, and Notting Hill’s Anna (Julia Roberts) expressing her love for Will (Hugh Grant) in the bookstore with the iconic line: “I’m just a girl standing in front of a boy asking him to love her”, to Jack (Jake Gyllenhaal) admitting to Ennis (Heath Ledger) “I wish I knew how to quit you” during their final trip together in Brokeback Mountain. We return to these classics time and again because they not only tug at the heartstrings, but also remind us that we all want to receive and give love, no matter our story or background.
Love’s language
Specialists in anthropology, neuroscience, and music (remember Haddaway’s 1993 hit?) have been asking the same question for decades: what is love? The science behind the electric feeling that sets your heart on fire is both simpler and more complex than you may think. Stammering, sweaty palms, thudding chest and an awkward saunter are not rehearsed comedic interpretations of falling in love, but the brain making your body go haywire when you encounter someone you find attractive. (Or is that just me?) According to renowned anthropologist Dr Helen Fisher, there are three distinct phases of falling in love, and each is categorised by its own set of hormones stemming from the brain centre, not the heart, as you might be poetically inclined to think.
LUST: first on our list, and driven by the desire for sexual gratification. (Love Island, anyone?) The evolutionary basis for this stems from our need to reproduce; a need shared among all living things. The hypothalamus of the brain plays a big role in this, stimulating the production of the sex hormones testosterone and estrogen, both of which play a role in men and women.
ATTRACTION: no-go without lust laying the groundwork. Attraction involves the brain pathways that control ‘reward’ behaviour, which partly explains why the first few weeks or months of a relationship can be so exhilarating and even all-consuming. Dopamine, norepinephrine, and serotonin create attraction, and are responsible for making you feel giddy, energetic, and euphoric, even leading to decreased appetite and insomnia, meaning you can be so ‘in love’ that you can’t eat and can’t sleep.
ATTACHMENT: last, but not least, and the prerequisite for a long-term relationship. While lust and attraction are exclusive to romantic escapades, attachment also mediates friendships, parent-child bonding, social amiability, and other connections. It is forged by the primary hormones oxytocin and vasopressin. Nicknamed the ‘cuddle hormone’, oxytocin is produced by the hypothalamus, and released in large quantities during sex, breastfeeding, and childbirth, all of which are pivotal precursors to bonding. Vasopressin, while also largely answerable for the effects of bonding, is associated with physical and emotional mobilisation, and helps support vigilance and behaviours needed for adaptive self-defence. Love remains critically important throughout human existence, but it changes from those early, heady days of passion and almost drug-induced intensity (remember that intoxicating scene of Leo and Claire in Romeo and Juliet locking eyes for the very first time through the fish tank?) to something more enduring and long lasting (which, unfortunately, the star-crossed Shakespearean couple didn’t get to experience). Ultimately, what I appreciate most about love is its ability to transform and evolve through the course of a relationship and the journey of human life, cementing connections between people who experience life’s slings and arrows, magic and mystery together.
Tokens of affections
Most of us are familiar with traditions such as Valentine’s Day and the wedding practice of ‘something old, something new, something borrowed, and something blue’, but there are many other curious and captivating ways in which different cultures express their love.
Tooth of whale
In Fiji, when asking a father for his daughter’s hand, you present him with a tabua – a sperm whale’s tooth.
Liver of chook
The Duar people of China have a tradition where an engaged couple dissects a chicken in order to inspect the liver. If the liver is healthy, this is a sign that the relationship will be successful.
Henna tattoos
A key feature in Arabic, African, and Hindu cultures is the custom of women adorning themselves with intricate henna patterns before their wedding. This is said to signify the bride’s beauty, womanhood, and worth.
More salt, cook!
In Armenia, on the eve of St Sarkis Day after a day of fasting, you should eat salty bread (ideally baked by your grandmother) if you are single. If your future husband or wife offers water in your dreams afterwards, it symbolises a clear and honest relationship. If the water is muddy, trouble lies ahead.
WORDS: Leah Davies
